How I went from junkie to boss babe
Let’s start with how I was a “junkie”, a person who regularly takes and is dependent on illegal drugs, especially heroin. First off, no one wants to be a heroin addict. No one wants to hide from friends and family to find comfort in their skin. No one wants to feel like there are tsunamis and hurricanes within. We all just want a still lake inside. A calm relaxed nervous system was always my goal.
The goal was to be at peace. Heroin(h) felt like honey. It just made life sweeter, more bearable. I used an opiate pill for the first time only three days before going for h. I had a sexual assault, cops got involved, hospital, all the things and it was too much. I had friends who used and had parents with opiates so I called and that was that. I felt like if life was worth living, I had to use. I was suicidal and felt like no one in the world understood me including myself. One day I got pulled over for a broken taillight and had drugs on me. I chose to put myself into drug counseling and I started doing things myself to be in a good space. I went to esthetics school and I was in counseling three times a week going to Horizon. I chose to get on a medication called Vivitrol. It is an opiate blocker so it blocks the receptors in your body from being able to feel the effects of opiates. This means you cannot high/you cannot numb yourself. When the effect is no longer there, it’s just a substance and that really helped me. Some people have to be on it for years or even the rest of their lives. I was on this shot that I got monthly for about eight months. I felt like I didn’t need it anymore and like I can actually stay clean without it because I no longer desire to use at all. I no longer desired to be that numb. I was still and am still in counseling. I also got a deck of yoga cards. https://amzn.to/3Zgk06Y This deck was AMAZING. I practiced breath work and postures. It teachers step by step, has sequencing and pictures. I did not understand fully the magic of what I was doing then but I was doing it and I felt better. I also had a mantra book. https://amzn.to/4gdZDgu This was really cool for me. The first mantra that I did for 5 minutes 30 days in a row was “I allow energy to flow freely through me”. WOW WAS IT POWERFUL!!! I used to holds onto energy, ruminate and have shallow breathing. Whenever I lose my practice and life hits me, especially if grief hits me, it is so easy to fall back into these symptoms of dysregulation.
Mantra, breathwork and yoga to calm my nervous system. This is my key to staying clean. I found purpose in life by going to esthetics school, reiki training and my yoga training. I was able to heal my skin and learn how to feel beautiful not only within my skin but within my soul. I was able to find compassion for my mistakes and shame.learned some tools and gained resources that helped me regulate my nervous system and how to be truly content within when the world feels like every single thing is ripping down and falling apart.
Once I graduated esthetics school. I came across my yoga teacher on Instagram. She markets her retreat and 200hr yoga teacher training as a transformation that for people who are sick of living in the same cycle and are ready to break chains off themselves. This space to go release, but also be held accountable and learn.It was something I felt like I really needed so I left Buffalo and went to the jungles of Costa Rica for an immersion. It was the hardest yet best thing I have ever done. This is also where I was taught about having a Limited Liability Company and the basics of having a business.
I was invited back by my teacher to became a certified facilitator so now I offer transformational spaces.
Ganesha helped me find God again. I really struggled with my relationship with faith for awhile and I learned about him in my yoga teacher training.
That I had anxiety as bad and he said that’s your problem until you view your anxiety as your superpower and your superpower so I learn that when I feel anxious, I feel good. That’s my superpower to know what I have to do and anxiety comes up when I know I have to do something and sign up for my email offer chakra alignment coaching online as well
I still have inner work to do and I do it. I do it daily. If I don’t I feel lost, confused, sad, angry. Misunderstood by myself is the worst feeling but when I have mindfulness in my life, anything is possible.